Healing My Relationship with Change & the Unknown

When I was just one year old, my mom moved abroad and left me in the care of family. My dad wasn’t allowed to see me.

So from the start, I grew up with this deep feeling of not being whole.

I watched other kids my age be loved and cared for by both of their real parents…

and I felt out of place.

I only saw my mom every couple of years, and only for a couple weeks at a time.

There was never enough time to feel connected.

Years later, I finally got the chance to move and live with her.

I was excited. I thought, “This is it. This is where I’ll finally feel whole. Loved. Safe.”

But when I arrived, it wasn’t what I expected at all. Instead of receiving love and nurturing, I was met with tough love and survival training. I remember trying to express that I was still adapting—and being told,

“You better adapt fast, or I’ll send you back.”

So I panicked. I shut down. I taught myself to adapt fast, while grieving everything I left behind— my childhood, my friends, my familiar world.

I felt empty and alone. I barely spoke English. I was the only Asian girl in school and attracted in too much attention and judgment.

From that experience, I learned to fear change.

I associated the unknown with grief, pain, rejection, and abandonment.

But today, as I do the deep work of healing my relationship with change...

I revisit this memory, seeing it in a different light.

And I see something I couldn’t see back then. I see how much I grew.

How resourceful, adaptable, and resilient I’ve become.

How this experience gave me access to freedom, opportunities, and people who have helped me grow in ways I never could have imagined.

So now, instead of believing that change = danger…

I believe that change is how I evolve.

The unknown isn’t here to break me. It’s here to elevate me.

And I get to move forward knowing:

Every time life shifts, I become more me.